Captains Log Part One

Tales of the Unexpected - A Captain’s blog

“We need a skipper. Someone we can rely on, trust profusely, is highly organised and has quite exceptional motivational chat.” This was the teaser I was faced with around closing time one Thursday night in the local by Will Sykes. Timing your moment is key and after consuming just a few light ales that evening Team GB had their skipper for the 2007 Texas Water Safari.

6 months later I was on a 10 hour flight to Houston, Texas. My brief simple; Provide logistical support to a team of 5 Englishmen (sorry AK – 4 Englishman and a Welshmen) by rendez-vouzing at up to 13 different meeting points down the San Marcos and Guadelope rivers over the course of 4 days. The next few paragraphs are an overview of the Captains role at various check points in the wacky races of canoeing…..

Day 1

Starting grid – Team GB are in the zone and sure as hell look the part. The Yanks are clearly a little apprehensive. Has to be the kit! I walk through the parade of spectators chin held very high…. I then had a moment of panic and uttered a short prayer. Please don’t capsize on the starting grid and get mown down by 100 canoes (I had seen two quite spectacular efforts in practise)! Did they – no! It was sheer professionalism so much so I didn’t even have time to finish my latte before the team had rounded the bend and were on their way to navigating 262 miles.

Cottonseed rapids – A big crowd gathered for this one. Word of Team GB has spread amongst the Texans as I arrive (after a fine breakfast I may add) and people started to approach me. I’m asked for the first of 1000 times why we’re here. “We’re here for a charity fund racer” I say. “That’s awesome man” says Brad. “And you’ve come all the way from England?” says Kara. “Yes” I answer. I then hear my first “whoaaaaaaa” as Brad high fives me. I was disappointed it wasn’t a “yeeeha” but I wasn’t going to mention that. Cottonseed rapids were indeed treacherous and had caused chaos for dozens of boats including the Cowboys 6 man canoe to get ripped in half! I waited patiently reassuring the crowd that Team GB would conquer these rapids no problem being total experts in the art of white water rafting. It was then I saw them. The moment I had been waiting but alas Team GB had portaged 100 yards away and had opted not to navigate them. I was very disappointed.

Luling Dam – Luckily I’d met the boys here during training or else I would have struggled, having first gone a little out the way to visit Walmart and buy 150 gallons of water and a few kilograms of ice. It was then I realised that I was nothing short of a mule as I power lifted a crate of water and ice 150 metres to the waters edge. “Are you the Team Captain for the British Team” asked Rory. Not wanting to state the obvious that I was hardly a groupie I politely informed him I was. “Man you’ve got the hardest job in the world. Make sure you’re always there cos in this heat (it was 33 degrees and 90 % humidity) those boys will need y’all to be there or they’ll never finish. Don’t miss a check point!” I was now worried as well as exceptionally pissed off that he didn’t offer to help.

After a 30 mins wait and being quizzed again as to how we heard of the race, where we’d come from and what we were doing there Team GB finally turned up! Boy was I relieved. 7.5 hours in and they were in remarkably good spirits. It was time for the exchange as I provided ice blankets and water. See you at the next check point they yelled! It was in 5 hours time. Not being in a rush I then had a beer with Sandy, Betty, Smitty and Ronny. I needed it! This was shaping up to be a very surreal yet very amusing trip!

Gonzles Dam – It was by now dusk and the huge crowds had gone. It was clearly now time for the professionals. Deck chair out I was again camped out waiting patiently and consuming a “cold one” when the boys arrived. I had been there 3 minutes. No rest for the wicked as I transferred over more water and ice.

Again, there spirits were up and their was no doubt they would conquer the World’s toughest canoeing event. I re-assured them that they were the peoples choice and they were indeed canoeing for England and the Queen. The crowd looked perplexed but I was touched when a group of kids said we love Team GB.

Palmetta State Park – It was now dark and the whole race was now buzzing. This was awesome largely because it was dangerous. With the water at the highest levels for years the bridge was now a few feet underwater where in previous years a 4 feet gap would allow canoes to pass under. First up a tandem attempted to portage in the middle. This was not the way to do it as one guy got sucked under by the current and was taken under the bridge before resurfacing 20 metres downstream. Whooooooooooaaaaaaaaa he went. I didn’t blame him. Although life-threatening that was a true crowd pleaser.

Team GB arrived. They looked startled. Definite fear in their eyes and it was hardly surprising having heard the other experienced crews explain how the river was tougher than usual with more log jams and other debris in the water. One chap even said he saw a roof top! They took a well deserved a rest and asked about trouble ahead. Monkey island I told them. Avoid monkey island.

Luling Highway 80 – 4am – How I got here I have no idea. I must have gone up and down a deserted pitch black road for an hour until I saw a solitary flashlight by a bridge and made for it. Having then traipsed through the undergrowth encountering poison ivy and swarms of mosquitoes I realised why this checkpoint had been avoided by the other more experienced captains. 1.5 hours later and several beers later with my new found friend and co-drinker (James C Jefferson – who informed me in Texan how he was actually English) Team GB came round the corner. The surprise of seeing me in the middle of no-where did not go unnoticed.